BlogYYY
Thursday, January 15, 2009,11:32 PM
6 months have past since r & i broke up..
when r & i broke up.. i was very sad..
& then b appeared..
he was my poly friend.. & he lives very near me..
in the past we always went for supper together & i feel very comfortable even though we did not know each other for very long..
we slowly lost contact when he entered NS..
weeks before r & i broke up.. he msged me..
we went out for supper again..
initially i did not tell him about my relationship's problems..
until r & i broke up..
b knew that i was very sad.. & since he is clearin his NS leave.. he had alot of free time..
i cried to him.. & told him how sad i was.. how our our r.ship changes as the years pass etc..
i would ask him to accompany me run my errands.. like accompany me go ntuc buy things then go home.. or eat lunch with me..
sometimes when i can't sleep i would ask him bring me out for supper etc..
then i knew that he likes me..
r knew about his existance too..
as i spent more time with my friends & b.. i felt better..
but everytime i met r.. everythin crashes down again..
each time we meet up.. i would cry after that..
& b would console me..
i was dead drunk a couple of times..
though pissed.. b would come n pick me up & send me home..
but as time passes.. i really felt better..
r did not come into my mind every now & then le..
i thought of him lesser & lesser..
some things still remind me of the funny things we did together.. but i no longer feel sad..
at the same time.. i was spendin alot of time with b..
he was treatin me very nicely..
he asked me to be his gf.. but i rejected..
but he continued to be nice.. to be there for me..
i started to like him.. not alot.. but more than friends..
i would make me buy food to my house because i was lazy to go out.. or asked him to my house to help me pack luggage..
then i did like b more..
though not enough to be in a relationship.. or should i say not enough to hurt r by enterin into another relationship..
we were very close.. yet not a couple.. it's complicated..
his family thought i'm his gf.. we didn't bother to explain too..
very soon, before i knew it, half a year has past..
b told me all this while he felt that my heart still got someone else & that is r.. even though i said i like him.. he can never feel it..
initially when r & i broke up.. i believed we would patch back one day..
but as time passes.. this "belief" faded off..
anyway b & i are not contactin anymore..
he said he felt like a substitute for r..
he said i always wanted to protect r's feelings & choose to hurt him instead..
he said i should use e time to think who i really want..
he said he can feel i m very confused.. & he is very "xin ku" coz he knows no matter what he do, he will never be e one in my heart & he tried his best le..
i told him i did not treat him as a substitue.. the two of them are very different.. he replied, "yes..the biggest difference is that he is in your heart but i am not.."
haiz.. i really hope one day we will be friends again..
r says he can feel that i don't love him le.. he really will stop gamblin.. he just needs me to believe him one more time.. give him another chance.. he will let me love him back de..
*sigh*
i just want to be alone for awhile..
the girl who is blessed with a bunch of great friends.. =)